Jokes : Accountant, Engineers, Surgeons etc

  Accountant and Engineer

An Accountant and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his Accountant friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"

The Accountant replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The Accountant ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Doctor, Chemists, Engineer

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, 'Head up or head down?'. 'Head up,' said the doctor. 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. 

Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. 'Head up or head down?' said the executioner. 'Head up.' 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. 

Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine. 'Head up or head down?' 'Head up.' 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out: 'WAIT! I see what the problem is!'

Surgeons discussing work

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. 

 You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fifth surgeon says "I like engineers . They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

Ok... Just one more joke.

Engineers at the urinals

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."